Lesson From A Tot

I don’t remember the time or place – grad school class? conference on family therapy? – but the speaker’s words echo on: “Human beings don’t like to say no to an honest need.” The who, where and when have evanesced into nothingness, but the learning is there for keeps.

When my third grandson was two years old, he was rightly cautious on stairs. He had been a relatively late walker, but was by now confident on flat ground. Steps, however, gave this cherubic toddler with long blond hair reason to pause.

His daddy’s home has a single, shallow step down into the kitchen. While there for a visit, I was right behind the little guy as we headed from the living room toward lunch. When he got to the edge of the step, he stopped. He looked back at me, reached a hand toward me and said, “I need help.”

It was a simple, straightforward statement. Matter of fact. No self judgment, no drama, no whining.

As I took his hand, he turned to face the challenge of stepping down, aided by our handhold. Several insights came to me as, mission completed, he slipped his hand from mine and headed toward his chair: bless whoever made it just fine for you to know when you need help; bless you for being innocent of knowing what it’s like to be ashamed of needing assistance; bless you for trusting that you won’t be denied the aid you need, because I know that human beings don’t like to say no to an honest need. (Is anyone more honest than a tot in need?)

My most important realization was how good it immediately felt to be incapable of saying no. I was even honored to provide a helping hand. Not just because he is my grandson, but also because he gave me two gifts. First, he entrusted me with his need. Second, he showed me how it’s done.

It’s been two years since that instant illuminated the teaching from long years past, but it was hardly a flash-in-the-pan enlightenment. Since then, when I find myself unable to take the next step, I turn to another, and with simple honesty (and no self-judgment) I say, “I need help.”

No one has ever said no.

Feel the hug.